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If you’ve searched the Internet for “social anxiety and breast cancer”, you’ll find that there’s not much out there. It’s not that this problem is unique or that you’re the only one feeling this. It’s just that these feelings are really hard for women to talk about or even think about, much less broadcast to the world.

It can be a struggle to go to a party or family event after completing chemotherapy. Here are some things that you might be worried about:

• How many times will I have to answer to same questions over and over? - Yes, I’m fine. Yes, I’m done with chemotherapy. No, I’m not sure if I’ll be returning to work. Yes, my husband and kids are getting through this okay.
• How many times do I have to hear everyone else’ stories and advice? - No, I didn’t know your neighbor’s great niece twice-removed also went through breast cancer. No, I didn’t hear that drinking pickle juice and standing on your head can help to prevent cancer from returning. I’m so sorry to hear that you found a benign tumor on your breast so you know exactly what I’m going through.
• How many stares will I have to endure? - “Before the double mastectomy and before anything ever happened with my breasts, people looked into my eyes when they greeted me. Since then, friends and acquaintances have looked down at my breasts first and then looked up to meet my eyes,” explains breast cancer survivor Rosie Mankes. “Some may think I am being overly sensitive or paranoid, but I’m not. Trust me, as a small B cup before surgery, my breasts weren’t a source of interest to anyone. But now they are, and that makes me feel uncomfortable and different than before. I even notice close friends paying extra attention to my chest at times.”
• How do I avoid the looks of pity and the unwanted words of encouragement? - Should you enter the room wearing a giant parka or hide in the corner where nobody can see you?

Ways to Overcome Your Social Anxiety

You don’t want to live in a bubble forever, so it helps to prepare for these types of occasions. By now you can probably predict what questions are going to be asked because you’ve heard them a hundred times. If you don’t want to talk about your breast cancer, don’t. You might want to say something like, “Thank you so much for your concern, but I’m really doing okay. I’m here to have fun, so let’s talk about your new job instead.” This also works for unmerited advice. “Thank you so much for sharing, but my doctor and I have talked about my health extensively and I’m going to stick to the plan we’ve created. Now tell me about those grandkids of yours!”

How can you avoid those stares if you’ve had surgery? Well, you probably can’t, but here’s how Rosie handled these awkward situations: “I was greeted by these people in exactly the way I thought I would be. They looked down at my chest, which gave me that vulnerable ‘I am different’ feeling, and then they looked up. But I got through it, because I’d anticipated what would happen beforehand. It happened and it was over.”

Knowing how to address these moments and visualizing your interactions ahead of time can help you to face the inevitable social gathering. But also know that it’s okay to say no sometimes. You don’t have to go to every party and you don’t have to have a brave face on 24/7. Your emotional and physical health is what’s most important, so pick and choose what battles you’re willing to face and go armed and ready for the love that people want to pour into you.

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Sources

“How I Managed Social Anxiety After Breast Cancer”. BreastCancer.org. Accessed December 12, 2017. https://community.breastcancer.org/blog/how-i-managed-social-anxiety-after-breast-cancer/

“Cancer survivors: Managing your emotions after cancer treatment”. Mayo Clinic. Accessed December 12, 2017. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/cancer/in-depth/cancer-survivor/ART-20047129?pg=2

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